Personal development tips

Personal development includes activities that improve awareness and identity, develop talents and potential, build human capital and facilitate employability, enhance quality of life and contribute to the realization of dreams and aspirations. The concept is not limited to self-help but includes formal and informal activities for developing others in roles such as teacher, guide, counselor, manager, life coach or mentor. When personal development takes place in the context of institutions, it refers to the methods, programs, tools, techniques, and assessment systems that support human development at the individual level in organizations.
Personal development includes the following activities:

• improving self-awareness
• improving self-knowledge
• improving or learning new skills
• becoming a self-leader
• building or renewing identity/self-esteem
• developing strengths or talents
• improving wealth
• spiritual development
• identifying or improving potential
• building employability or human capital
• enhancing lifestyle or the quality of life
• improving health
• fulfilling aspirations
• initiating a life enterprise or personal autonomy
• defining and executing personal development plans
• improving social abilities

Personal development can also include developing other people. This may take place through roles such as those of a teacher or mentor, either through a personal competency (such as the skill of certain managers in developing the potential of employees) or a professional service (such as providing training, assessment or coaching).
Beyond improving oneself and developing others, personal development is a field of practice and research. As a field of practice it includes personal development methods, learning programs, assessment systems, tools and techniques. As a field of research, personal development topics increasingly appear in scientific journals, higher education reviews, management journals and business books.
Any sort of development—whether economic, political, biological, organizational or personal—requires a framework if one wishes to know whether change has actually occurred. In the case of personal development, an individual often functions as the primary judge of improvement, but validation of objective improvement requires assessment using standard criteria. Personal development frameworks may include goals or benchmarks that define the end-points, strategies or plans for reaching goals, measurement and assessment of progress, levels or stages that define milestones along a development path, and a feedback system to provide information on changes.

Stop wishing

Have you ever sat down and freed yourself to the beauties of this world, if not lets start now, close your eyes and breath in deeply "that's OK,  "now breath out". How do you feel, better I hope? Lets access  what you've just felt. Do you realize the air flowing deep inside your abdomen it's movement gives you a cool and cold sensation through the nasal system down to the chest. It's a beautiful one isn't it?  Do you know that that very action is what makes the air unique. Nothing else can perform such a wonderful sensation as the air, "you can post one on the comment if you can point  out any. if the air had said it loved the function of fire and adopted that function it can only be referred to as "it feels like fire, it will never have a name. Do you know that for the function of air to be different from the function of fire makes it unique. The Uniqueness of it lies in its ability to perform certain functions that no other person, thing or expression can perform. That's just one beauty of nature out of so many others.

Now lets look at you, "have you ever thought about what makes you unique? Do you just wish you were James rather than John, Pauline Rather than Paolina? If yes is the answer, please take out a pen and make a list of all the things th

at makes James and Pauline different from you. Also make a list of all the things that makes you different from them.

Are we done with that? 

Good. 

The next step is compare those qualities with your own. Do you think they are better than yours? 

If the answer is yes, 

Make a list of the reason your qualities are poor, you might just discover that you are the cause because you have neglected your potentials for so long, wishing and wanting to be like other people which you may not be appreciated for because you can not be exactly like that person, you can only be a look alike or act alike but the possibility of fitting into such a character may not be possible because the interference of your own character would surely be be portrayed  in your newly adopted character. 

So.....

Why not choose to be yourself and function as yourself. Let that Uniqueness of being you be seen by everyone around you. Let people criticize it, let them love it and let them feel, observe and understand your personality. 

Only then...

Can your UNIQUENESS be appreciated by everyone around you.

DON'T STAY TOO LONG

I haven't written in a while so this is a little long, but it's so worth your time to read.

I was in Wyoming recently and I was taking in the beauty of the place. I mean, I love it. As I was looking up at the mountains I saw an eagle flying above me. I had to stop and take in its majestic beauty. I had never seen a real life eagle. All I had heard about an eagle was in church when the pastor said that the eagle pushes its young out of the nest to teach it to fly. It really did move me watching this bird that had no doubt been pushed out of the nest and had learned to do what I was watching it do.

I got back to the cabin that evening and I started doing some research on eagles. I was so excited to read the story of how it learned to fly. Well, to my surprise, eagles pushing their young out of the nest is a myth. I was shocked. I know that I heard a preacher say that in church… now I ain't gonna say that that pastor lied but I will say he didn’t do the research… LOL. So I did it on my own. I did find some interesting facts that got me thinking about life… mine and yours. It's funny how God can speak through everything. Here’s what I found.

Eagles build the biggest nest of all birds. It’s huge, comfortable and deep. One of the most interesting things that I found was the way that the eagle gets its young chicks to fly out of the nest. For many weeks it brings food to the nest. The little eagles have no worries, they have all they need to survive. But when the adult eagle deems that it's time for the young eagles to fly, things get uncomfortable.

Now the young eagle doesn’t know that it's time to fly, but the wisdom and the bird’s eye view of the mother knows that it's time for the chicks to leave the nest. So you know what she does? She doesn’t bring food to the babies anymore, and this is what I found fascinating. Many times she will fly around the nest with the food in her beak so that the young eagles will be tempted or so hungry that they are forced to fly out of the nest and take it out of her beak. Stay with me I’m going somewhere here.

As I thought about this, I thought about my life and how many times I was in a very comfortable space. I had all I needed. There was no need for me to go any further because I was comortable. I wanted to stay there forever. You have to be careful when you get comfortable and stay too long. It’s easy to stop dreaming when your belly is full. You won’t feel the need to fly at all.

The truth is, as long as I was there in that really comfortable space, I wasn’t fulfilling my own destiny or my purpose. I wasn’t flying, I was content. Remember this, your greatest prayers are not usually answered in comfort. Think about it. I can really get deep into this with stories from my past but you’re probably tired of reading already… LOL… so I'll try and wrap it up.

It took an uncomfortable situation or being hungry to make me get out and fly. Many times in life things are going well, but then everything that was so great changes and we wonder why. We wonder what happened. We are caught off guard. I am of the opinion that in those times God, who knows when it’s time for us to leave the nest, is allowing it to become uncomfortable so that we can move on to our next mission in life. Our next hope, our next dream, our next level.

After not realizing this for many years and resisting changes and going through hell, I’m glad to say that I have become so sensitive to when it's time to move that I will move without having to have the turmoil. I’m telling you I was so stubborn that the house had to burn down for me to move. Now I know better. I’m aware of when it starts to happen, like things happen that don’t make any sense. People you have been friends with or in business with or otherwise for years just seem to go crazy and you don’t know why. What I’ve learned in those moments is that it is a time to fly. Business changes, jobs go away, friends break your heart, marriages end, relationships end, and most times all these things are signs that it’s time to take flight to your next level.

Nobody likes change, I get it, but don’t be angry or bitter when things change. Don’t be mad with people, especially when you know you did right by them and you did all you could do for the friendship or relationship. I’m sorry to tell you this my friend, but this moment was not about them it was all about you. I’m telling you if God has allowed you to become so uncomfortable in your situation, whatever it is, then its time for you to move! Don’t be afraid, just fly!

Last thing and then I’m done . there is one part of the eagle story that I haven’t told you yet, and this is my favorite part. If those baby eagles get out of the nest and they are trying to fly and it’s not going well, then that same mother bird that provided for them while they were in the nest, that same eagle will fly under the baby eagle to keep it from falling, to keep it on course, and give it a sense of security. God’s got you, don’t be afraid! He won't let you fall!

Now here's the question: what situation in your life has become so uncomfortable that you feel like you're being starved for what you need? Maybe its God’s way of telling you it’s time to fly! It's time to fly for your own dreams and your own hopes and goals. Fly for true love and real hope. This is your moment to fly, in 2014. Make this the year that you leave the nest without fear.

WHY ARE WE ALL LOOSING OUR MINDS?

I got an email from one of my teenagers at the school I visited last. Her question was "How do I develop my brain and be able to recall things. Pondering over this question I realized that a lot of people are going through similar challenge as she and then I thought it wise to share with you. But first I think that it is best we understand what memory lose is, the cause of  it and how it can be re-developed. 

Memory lose can be define as the inability to reason properly, those who suffer from memory lose find it difficulty to remember things, communicate effectively as cells responsible for transmission of message from the brain to the voice has become dormant as such can not generate information as much as may be expected. This is the reason for some people it is difficult to express themselves, in the sense that trying to communicate a particular message it takes a great effort because the person may be searching for the right word to convey his or her thoughts by so doing the brain takes a longer time to send information or may not even send the information at all, this often occurs during reading, writing and even verbal communication. That is the reason we must know the cells that are very important in message processing in our brains. These Cells are Neurons and Glial Cells, These cells can be dormant if not accessed in a long time.

CAUSES OF MEMORY LOSS.

Memory lose can occur in different ways but I am just going to mention only four ways through which brain lose is sustained. Elizabeth Loftus, one of the world's most renowned experts on human memory, has identified four major reasons why forgetting occurs. 

1. Decay of information:  This is when we finds it difficulty to retrieve information from the brain, This occurs when memories are rarely accessed causing them to decay overtime.  

2. Competition of memories: This occurs as a result of two or more memories competing with each other the lower memories at this point may feel intimidated and as such at the presence of those other memories it may take time to process its thought or idea. It also could be as a result of two things which are identical the memory ends up taking recognition of the more domineering one and as such mistakes it for the lesser one. 

3.. Personal decisions to forget things:  Most people are sometimes too emotional and as such may decide to forget any thing associating to a situation that did cause ill feelings in their past, this in turn could cause the memory to start rejecting some information. Therefore when ever it has some information instead of appropriate storage it declines those information by not storing them.  

4. Inability to store memories: This is caused by lack of concentration especially if one is troubled by a particular situation, the mind keeps pondering over such situation and may not be able to absorb any other information because it is being distracted by the present situation surrounding it. 

FOUR WAYS TO RECALL YOUR MEMORY OR RE-DEVELOP IT. 

1. Continuous assessment of  information: In this case try as much as possible to assess what ever information you have, you can do that through constant conversation with people

2. Read Always: Be open to information even if you do not understand what you are reading just keep reading, a day will come when you would realize that it is stored some where in your brain can get hold of it when in need of it.

3. Cramming: Cramming keeps brings back your focus it enables you to pay gross attention to a particular thing without being distracted therefore when you cram if helps you regain your focus.

4. Free your mind: Stop bothering your mind over irrelevant things because by so doing they can prevent the necessary memories from functioning properly.  

What is love?

Love is a variety of different feelings, states, and attitudes that ranges from interpersonal affection ("I love my mother") to pleasure ("I loved that meal"). It can refer to an emotion of a strong attraction and personal attachment.It can also be a virtue representing human kindness, compassion, and affection—"the unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another". It may also describe compassionate and affectionate actions towards other humans, one's self or animals.

Ancient Greeks identified four forms of love: kinship or familiarity (in Greek, storage), friendship (Philia), sexual and/or romantic desire (Eros), and self-emptying or divine love (Agape). Modern authors have distinguished further varieties of romantic love.Non-Western traditions have also distinguished variants or symbioses of these states. This diversity of uses and meanings combined with the complexity of the feelings involved makes love unusually difficult to consistently define, compared to other emotional states.

Love in its various forms acts as a major facilitator of interpersonal relationships and, owing to its central psychological importance, is one of the most common themes in the creative arts.

Love may be understood as a function to keep human beings together against menaces and to facilitate the continuation of the species.

Be the role model

All the world’s a stage” and you are your child’s main attraction. From the youngest of ages your children are constantly watching (and eventually imitating) what you are doing. Like it or not you are a role model not only for parenting, but for being a partner, a head of family, a part of a community. Performance pressure, maybe a bit, perfection, definitely not. It’s more a matter of consciously creating behavioral good habits. You undoubtedly already know what not to do—watch your language, your anger, any violence – but here are some “what to dos” that can help your kids grow into the adults you want them to be:
Broadcast your emotions. You come home from work tired and irritable and find yourself snapping at your kids to pick up their toys–Now!—as soon as you hit the door. Rather than being reactive (and explosive), be responsible and be proactive. As soon as you walk in, announce that you are tired and irritable and need a half hour to chill out before dinner. By labeling your emotions your teaching your children to do the same; by taking responsibility for your feelings, your children don’t have to worry that they are always the cause of your moods or that they need to always walk on eggshells around you.

Apologize and explain. And if you did in fact snap at them about the toys or found yourself slipping into a lecture / rant with your teenage daughter rather than listening to what she was saying, mop up. Apologize for the snapping or the ranting, and without making excuses, help them understand you and what makes you tick: “I’m sorry I yelled at you about the toys as soon as I got home, but I was tired and cranky and should have taken a mommy time-out instead.” “I’m sorry I got so wound up and didn’t listen, but I guess I started feeling really worried when you described how hard school has been for you.” Again you are showing your children how to take responsibility for your emotions and behaviors, as well as how to be self aware and communicative.
Show your kids how you make up. All couples have arguments from time to time and strong emotions can leave especially younger children rattled. You need again explain and let them know that it is not about them or their fault.
But equally important is seeing how you both make up. This includes your adult-adult apology, the adult problem-solving conversation (complete with compromises), the make-up hug. This is how your children will learn that problems are something disagreeing adults can approach together, that talking and seeking solutions, rather than endlessly fighting about or sweeping problems under the rug are the mature ways of running a relationship and life.
Create couple time. While they may not like staying with the babysitter, seeing you set aside time to be together as couple teaches children that relationships are not only about taking care of children, working, or leading parallel lives, but keeping the relationship renewed by making time as a couple important.
Show affection. While sex is behind closed doors, affection shouldn’t be. Even though partners may differ in their comfort around displays of affection, the pat on the back, kiss on the cheek, the snuggle on the couch are not only helping children feel relax and safe, but teaching them ways adults can stay connected.
Create traditions and rituals. Children love the predictable; creating and being excited about family traditions and rituals not only help bind the family, but show your children the ingredients for doing exactly that.
Show how you reach out and consider others. Let them know when it’s time to make a birthday card for your sister. Have them help make and bring brownies to the new neighbors. Remind them that it is Sunday night and time to call up grandma. Help your children see how you keep ties with those you know and reach out to those you don’t.
Welcome different people into your home. There is the idea that if you want to teach children about peace, let them meet a diversity of people in your home. By doing this they are not only exposed to and learn to become more comfortable around people who are different from them, but they instinctively take in the values of openness, generosity, tolerance and trust.
Put your values into action. If you believe in political action, take your kids with you when you go vote or help campaign for candidates. If you strong religious beliefs, share not only what you believe and make sure your children participate with you.
Again, it is not what you say that children remember, but what you do. Let them see how your values and priorities shape your life.
There you have it, some ideas to get you started; feel free to add your own. Once again, perfection isn’t required. Becoming the role model you want to be is about clear intentions, about committing yourself to emotional responsibility and sensitivity, having a willingness to actively solve relationship problems. It’s about taking a proactive, rather than reactive or passive, stance towards creating a family life and personal life that represents who you are, and one that leaves room for change and growth and even mistakes. Don’t pressure yourself to do a all-at-once-make-over; instead decide on changes and habits you want to incorporate into your everyday life, and take them one step at a time. You can’t do it wrong.

How hard would you fight for what you believe in

 It doesn’t matter how many people are with you neither does it matter if you are alone nor if people are against you for you to effect some changes in your life and become successful in life. 

The most important thing is that you do not compromise your ability for anything, initially it will definitely not be rosy you would have a lot of rivals those you step on their toe and those that step on yours too. Everyone would expect you to still be the same person you had always been, if you compromise you would still be in the same level you had always been.

Therefore take that bold step forget about who is with you, who is against you, or if you are alone. The truth remains that the way to success leads to several enemies along the road; they are not just enemies because you hurt them but because they have seen the future and they would never allow you to get to that destination and be above them rather they prefer you to be in same position with them.

Note that those people that left you at the initial position of your struggling, those that hated you and those who fought with you would definitely come back to rejoice with you when you finally succeed. So start that project you had wanted to start, effect those changes you want in your life, take that decision without compromise you had always wanted to take, surly you would come out with flying colors.     

 

 

 

 

why masturbate?

The history of masturbation describes broad changes in society concerning the ethics, social attitudes, scientific study, and artistic depiction of masturbation over the history of human sexuality.
The sexual stimulation of one's own genitals has been interpreted variously by different religions, the subject of legislation, social controversy, activism, as well as intellectual study in sexology. Social views regarding masturbation taboo have varied greatly in different cultures, and over history.

Immanuel Kant regarded masturbation as a violation of the moral law. In the Metaphysics of Morals (1797) he made the a posteriori argument that 'such an unnatural use of one's sexual attributes' strikes 'everyone upon his thinking of it' as 'a violation of one's duty to himself', and suggested that it was regarded as immoral even to give it its proper name (unlike the case of the similarly undutiful act of suicide). He went on, however, to acknowledge that 'it is not so easy to produce a rational demonstration of the inadmissibility of that unnatural use', but ultimately concluded that its immorality lay in the fact that 'a man gives up his personality … when he uses himself merely as a means for the gratification of an animal drive'.

The 18th-century philosopher Jean-Jacques Rousseau saw masturbation as equal to 'mental rape', and discussed it in both Émile and Confessions. He argued that it was the corrupting influence of society that led to such unnatural acts as masturbation and that humans living a simple life amidst nature would never do such things.

Boys and young men who nevertheless continued to indulge in the practice were branded as "weak-minded

The right people the right you

Have you ever wondered the reason you most times find it difficulty to accomplish some projects that you ought to  have accomplish long time ago? have you thought of the reason you are still in the same spots? Do you know the reason your brain is static that it sometimes can not reason properly or remember things easily? Well I think you should check the people around you because the people around you determines how organized or disorganized your life will be. 

I remember a girl called Naomi who was very vibrant, intelligent and talented in various ways, she use to be the center of peoples heart every where she went, but all these attributes turned into a different story entirely when she lost her parents to an auto crash which lead to her living with a relative. This relative of hers showed her another side of life which she never knew existed, A positive life? off course not,  she faced a lot of challenges along the line and one of these challenges she faced was discrimination, she is often seen as an out cast. This in some way disorganized that beautiful life she once had because she started seeing herself as an out cast, one without value, and the worst of all became inferior. This made her not to have any stable relationship with anyone.Years went by she grow into a matured beautiful young lady, faced with the societal challenges and low self esteem, within she has the well withal to face these challenges but the way to go about it is what the problem is. She knows what to say but lacks composure, and is often scared of what the other persons reaction would be, all the time she prefers to satisfy other people to her own dissatisfaction and these often leads to disrespect to her most times with these she adopted the choice of confronting  any challenge through aggression, which left her with being a loner because no body wants to associate with an aggressive person. This some how affected her reasoning some how because she sees everyone that comes across her as cruel, and her sense of reasoning became too poor. Her life became disorganized instead of organized.

There are a lot of people who are faced with challenges a lot more terrible than Naomi's, though the possibility of avoiding it may be difficult but as individuals we should try to associate with people who support our dreams, people who feel what we feel, and understand where we are and were we are going.should in case anyone finds themselves in Naomi's kind of challenge do try these six itemized below

1. Develop strong heart, mind and a though skin
2. Do not accept that anyone is better than you
3. Keep doing what you believe in
4. Avoid thinking about what people must have said to you
5. Do not carry over any anger.
6. Avoid jealousy and envy of any kind. 

Then if you want to have the right "YOU" do a personal assessment of the people that surround you each day as stated below

1. Get a pen and a paper
2. Write the names of all the people that surround you each day
3. List there characters
4. List things you discourse on a daily basis
5. List what values they had added to your life ever since you know them

Anyone that does not qualify to your expectation, kindly find a way to do away with them. 

I leave you with this word "try and surround yourself with people who are positive and are ready to support your dreams when you do this there would not be only the right you but also the sky will be your beginning.  

Everybody is normal till you get to know them. (Never expect much from anybody)

Vivian is a lady I respect so much though she is far younger than I, I still feel she is a very discipline lady and would always complement her for the way at which she resolves any situation. I often call her up in some situation I find difficulty to deal with and her advice would seem more like and ice shower on my body. That was because I was just getting to know her. 
 Few weeks in to my relationship with her, I saw a different Vivian from the former Vivian I had earlier known. Her words that day gave a rush of blood on my skin; I could still feel it echo like a time bomb at every point  I remember it. There and then it dawned on me that one can never know a person until you go close to the person besides I expected so much from her that was the reason I got disappointed in her attitude.      

Most times we expect much from everyone we come across in life, we expect they should be genius, that they should be perfect in attitude and well discipline individuals forgetting that they are humans and not gods, that is the reason we often get disappointed when eventually they did not meet up to our expectations.

The truth is that in dealing with people, we ought not expect much because humans are not perfect, they make mistakes, sometimes some accept corrections while some people do not. That is just the way they are formed and any attempt to contribute to their becoming a better person often result to a serious conflict. that most respected person by you can become very repulsive which could be disappointing but if your expectations from him/her are less then you would not feel all wired about their action because you already know they would fault.

How to deal with Stress and Anxiety

Anxiety is an unpleasant state of inner turmoil, often accompanied by nervous behavior, such as pacing back and forth, somatic complaints and rumination. It is the subjectively unpleasant feelings of dread over something unlikely to happen, such as the feeling of imminent death Anxiety is not the same as fear, which is felt about something realistically intimidating or dangerous and is an appropriate response to a perceived threat; anxiety is a feeling of fear, worry, and uneasiness, usually generalized and unfocused as an overreaction to a situation that is only subjectively seen as menacing. It is often accompanied by restlessness, fatigue, problems in concentration, and muscular tension. Anxiety is not considered to be a normal reaction to a perceived stressor although many feel it occasionally.

Causes 
Anxiety risk factors include family history (e.g. of anxiety) and parenting factors including parental rejection, lack of parental warmth, high hostility, harsh discipline, high maternal negative affect, anxious childrearing, modelling of dysfunctional and drug-abusing behaviour, and child abuse (emotional, physical and sexual).

Other contextual factors that are thought to contribute to anxiety include gender socialization and learning experiences. In particular, learning mastery (the degree to which people perceive their lives to be under their own control) and instrumentality, which includes such traits as self-confidence, independence, and competitiveness fully mediate the relation between gender and anxiety. That is, though gender differences in anxiety exist, with higher levels of anxiety in women compared to men, gender socialization and learning mastery explain these gender differences^{[citation needed]}. Research has demonstrated the ways in which facial prominence in photographic images differs between men and women. More specifically, in official online photographs of politicians around the world, women's faces are less prominent than men's. Interestingly enough, the difference in these images actually tended to be greater in cultures with greater institutional gender equality.

An evolutionary psychology explanation is that increased anxiety serves the purpose of increased vigilance regarding potential threats in the environment as well as increased tendency to take proactive actions regarding such possible threats. This may cause false positive reactions but an individual suffering from anxiety may also avoid real threats. This may explain why anxious people are less likely to die due to accidents.
Neural circuitry involving the amygdala and hippocampus is thought to underlie anxiety. When people are confronted with unpleasant and potentially harmful stimuli such as foul odors or tastes, PET-scans show increased bloodflow in the amygdala In these studies, the participants also reported moderate anxiety. This might indicate that anxiety is a protective mechanism designed to prevent the organism from engaging in potentially harmful behaviors

Treatments

There are many ways to treat anxiety. Cognitive behavioral therapy and medication are two principal forms of anxiety treatment. Stopping smoking has benefits in anxiety as large as or larger than those of medications.

Cognitive behavioral therapy

The most notable treatment for anxiety is cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). Cognitive behavioral therapy involves the changing of one's thought by the therapist. Patients are asked to explain their feelings towards certain things or incidents that cause their anxious behavior.
One study found that computerized CBT was equally effective as face-to-face CBT in adolescent anxiety.

Herbal treatments

Traditional herbal remedies have been used for centuries to treat anxiety but many lack strong evidence of efficacy. There is some limited promising data supporting the use of kava and, to some extent, inositol, but the limited evidence available for St John's wort, valerian, and omega-3 fatty acids demonstrates little efficacy in anxiety and these remedies should not be recommended in place of more effective treatments.

Caffeine elimination

For some people, anxiety may be reduced by eliminating caffeine consumption. Anxiety can temporarily increase during caffeine withdrawal.

Other treatments

Other methods used in treating anxiety include electroconvulsive therapy (ECT), transcranial magnetic stimulation (TMS), and psychosurgery. Psychosurgery is used in very extreme cases, when other treatment techniques do not work. Evidence is insufficient regarding meditation to make any conclusions.

Importance of interpersonal relationship

An interpersonal relationship is a strong, deep, or close association/acquaintance between two or more people that may range in duration from brief to enduring. This association may be based on inference, love, solidarity, regular business interactions, or some other type of social commitment. Interpersonal relationships are formed in the context of social, cultural and other influences. The context can vary from family or kinship relations, friendship, marriage, relations with associates, work, clubs, neighborhoods, and places of worship. They may be regulated by law, custom, or mutual agreement, and are the basis of social groups and society as a whole.  

Human beings are innately social and are shaped by their experiences with others. There are multiple perspectives to understand this inherent motivation to interact with others.

According to Maslow's hierarchy of needs, humans need to feel love and acceptance from social groups (family, peer groups). In fact, the need to belong is so innately ingrained that it may be strong enough to overcome physiological and safety needs, such as children's attachment to abusive parents or staying in abusive romantic relationships. Such examples illustrate the extent to which the psychobiological drive to belong is entrenched.

Another way to appreciate the importance of relationships is in terms of a reward framework. This perspective suggests that individuals engage in relations that are rewarding in both tangible and intangible ways. The concept fits into a larger theory of social exchange. This theory is based on the idea that relationships develop as a result of cost-benefit analyses. Individuals seek out rewards in interactions with others and are willing to pay a cost for said rewards. In the best-case scenario, rewards will exceed costs, producing a net gain. This can lead to "shopping around" or constantly comparing alternatives to maximize the benefits (rewards) while minimizing costs.

Relationships are also important for their ability to help individuals develop a sense of self. The relational self is the part of an individual’s self-concept that consists of the feelings and beliefs that one has regarding oneself that develops based on interactions with others. In other words, one’s emotions and behaviors are shaped by prior relationships. Thus, relational self theory posits that prior and existing relationships influence one’s emotions and behaviors in interactions with new individuals, particularly those individuals that remind him or her of others in his or her life. Studies have shown that exposure to someone who resembles a significant other activates specific self-beliefs, changing how one thinks about oneself in the moment more so than exposure to someone who does not resemble a significant other.

Minding relationships

The mindfulness theory of relationships shows how closeness in relationships may be enhanced. Minding is the "reciprocal knowing process involving the nonstop, interrelated thoughts, feelings, and behaviors of persons in a relationship. Five components of "minding" include:

1. Knowing and being known: seeking to understand the partner
2. Making relationship-enhancing attributions for behaviors: giving the benefit of the doubt
3. Accepting and respecting: empathy and social skills
4. Maintaining reciprocity: active participation in relationship enhancement
5. Continuity in minding: persisting in mindfulness