Everybody is normal till you get to know them. (Never expect much from anybody)

Vivian is a lady I respect so much though she is far younger than I, I still feel she is a very discipline lady and would always complement her for the way at which she resolves any situation. I often call her up in some situation I find difficulty to deal with and her advice would seem more like and ice shower on my body. That was because I was just getting to know her. 
 Few weeks in to my relationship with her, I saw a different Vivian from the former Vivian I had earlier known. Her words that day gave a rush of blood on my skin; I could still feel it echo like a time bomb at every point  I remember it. There and then it dawned on me that one can never know a person until you go close to the person besides I expected so much from her that was the reason I got disappointed in her attitude.      

Most times we expect much from everyone we come across in life, we expect they should be genius, that they should be perfect in attitude and well discipline individuals forgetting that they are humans and not gods, that is the reason we often get disappointed when eventually they did not meet up to our expectations.

The truth is that in dealing with people, we ought not expect much because humans are not perfect, they make mistakes, sometimes some accept corrections while some people do not. That is just the way they are formed and any attempt to contribute to their becoming a better person often result to a serious conflict. that most respected person by you can become very repulsive which could be disappointing but if your expectations from him/her are less then you would not feel all wired about their action because you already know they would fault.

How to deal with Stress and Anxiety

Anxiety is an unpleasant state of inner turmoil, often accompanied by nervous behavior, such as pacing back and forth, somatic complaints and rumination. It is the subjectively unpleasant feelings of dread over something unlikely to happen, such as the feeling of imminent death Anxiety is not the same as fear, which is felt about something realistically intimidating or dangerous and is an appropriate response to a perceived threat; anxiety is a feeling of fear, worry, and uneasiness, usually generalized and unfocused as an overreaction to a situation that is only subjectively seen as menacing. It is often accompanied by restlessness, fatigue, problems in concentration, and muscular tension. Anxiety is not considered to be a normal reaction to a perceived stressor although many feel it occasionally.

Causes 
Anxiety risk factors include family history (e.g. of anxiety) and parenting factors including parental rejection, lack of parental warmth, high hostility, harsh discipline, high maternal negative affect, anxious childrearing, modelling of dysfunctional and drug-abusing behaviour, and child abuse (emotional, physical and sexual).

Other contextual factors that are thought to contribute to anxiety include gender socialization and learning experiences. In particular, learning mastery (the degree to which people perceive their lives to be under their own control) and instrumentality, which includes such traits as self-confidence, independence, and competitiveness fully mediate the relation between gender and anxiety. That is, though gender differences in anxiety exist, with higher levels of anxiety in women compared to men, gender socialization and learning mastery explain these gender differences^{[citation needed]}. Research has demonstrated the ways in which facial prominence in photographic images differs between men and women. More specifically, in official online photographs of politicians around the world, women's faces are less prominent than men's. Interestingly enough, the difference in these images actually tended to be greater in cultures with greater institutional gender equality.

An evolutionary psychology explanation is that increased anxiety serves the purpose of increased vigilance regarding potential threats in the environment as well as increased tendency to take proactive actions regarding such possible threats. This may cause false positive reactions but an individual suffering from anxiety may also avoid real threats. This may explain why anxious people are less likely to die due to accidents.
Neural circuitry involving the amygdala and hippocampus is thought to underlie anxiety. When people are confronted with unpleasant and potentially harmful stimuli such as foul odors or tastes, PET-scans show increased bloodflow in the amygdala In these studies, the participants also reported moderate anxiety. This might indicate that anxiety is a protective mechanism designed to prevent the organism from engaging in potentially harmful behaviors

Treatments

There are many ways to treat anxiety. Cognitive behavioral therapy and medication are two principal forms of anxiety treatment. Stopping smoking has benefits in anxiety as large as or larger than those of medications.

Cognitive behavioral therapy

The most notable treatment for anxiety is cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). Cognitive behavioral therapy involves the changing of one's thought by the therapist. Patients are asked to explain their feelings towards certain things or incidents that cause their anxious behavior.
One study found that computerized CBT was equally effective as face-to-face CBT in adolescent anxiety.

Herbal treatments

Traditional herbal remedies have been used for centuries to treat anxiety but many lack strong evidence of efficacy. There is some limited promising data supporting the use of kava and, to some extent, inositol, but the limited evidence available for St John's wort, valerian, and omega-3 fatty acids demonstrates little efficacy in anxiety and these remedies should not be recommended in place of more effective treatments.

Caffeine elimination

For some people, anxiety may be reduced by eliminating caffeine consumption. Anxiety can temporarily increase during caffeine withdrawal.

Other treatments

Other methods used in treating anxiety include electroconvulsive therapy (ECT), transcranial magnetic stimulation (TMS), and psychosurgery. Psychosurgery is used in very extreme cases, when other treatment techniques do not work. Evidence is insufficient regarding meditation to make any conclusions.

Importance of interpersonal relationship

An interpersonal relationship is a strong, deep, or close association/acquaintance between two or more people that may range in duration from brief to enduring. This association may be based on inference, love, solidarity, regular business interactions, or some other type of social commitment. Interpersonal relationships are formed in the context of social, cultural and other influences. The context can vary from family or kinship relations, friendship, marriage, relations with associates, work, clubs, neighborhoods, and places of worship. They may be regulated by law, custom, or mutual agreement, and are the basis of social groups and society as a whole.  

Human beings are innately social and are shaped by their experiences with others. There are multiple perspectives to understand this inherent motivation to interact with others.

According to Maslow's hierarchy of needs, humans need to feel love and acceptance from social groups (family, peer groups). In fact, the need to belong is so innately ingrained that it may be strong enough to overcome physiological and safety needs, such as children's attachment to abusive parents or staying in abusive romantic relationships. Such examples illustrate the extent to which the psychobiological drive to belong is entrenched.

Another way to appreciate the importance of relationships is in terms of a reward framework. This perspective suggests that individuals engage in relations that are rewarding in both tangible and intangible ways. The concept fits into a larger theory of social exchange. This theory is based on the idea that relationships develop as a result of cost-benefit analyses. Individuals seek out rewards in interactions with others and are willing to pay a cost for said rewards. In the best-case scenario, rewards will exceed costs, producing a net gain. This can lead to "shopping around" or constantly comparing alternatives to maximize the benefits (rewards) while minimizing costs.

Relationships are also important for their ability to help individuals develop a sense of self. The relational self is the part of an individual’s self-concept that consists of the feelings and beliefs that one has regarding oneself that develops based on interactions with others. In other words, one’s emotions and behaviors are shaped by prior relationships. Thus, relational self theory posits that prior and existing relationships influence one’s emotions and behaviors in interactions with new individuals, particularly those individuals that remind him or her of others in his or her life. Studies have shown that exposure to someone who resembles a significant other activates specific self-beliefs, changing how one thinks about oneself in the moment more so than exposure to someone who does not resemble a significant other.

Minding relationships

The mindfulness theory of relationships shows how closeness in relationships may be enhanced. Minding is the "reciprocal knowing process involving the nonstop, interrelated thoughts, feelings, and behaviors of persons in a relationship. Five components of "minding" include:

1. Knowing and being known: seeking to understand the partner
2. Making relationship-enhancing attributions for behaviors: giving the benefit of the doubt
3. Accepting and respecting: empathy and social skills
4. Maintaining reciprocity: active participation in relationship enhancement
5. Continuity in minding: persisting in mindfulness

How determin are you?

Determination is a positive emotion that involves persevering towards a difficult goal in spite of obstacles. Determination occurs prior to goal attainment and serves to motivate behavior that will help achieve one’s goal. Empirical research suggests that people consider determination to be an emotion; in other words, determination is not just a cognitive state, but rather an affective state.  In the psychology literature, researchers have studied determination under other terms, including challenge and anticipatory enthusiasm; this may explain one reason for the relative lack of research on determination compared to other positive emotions.

In the field of psychology, emotion research is heavily focused on negative emotions and the action tendencies that they encourage. However, recent work in positive psychology incorporates the study of determination as a positive emotion that pushes individuals toward action and results in important outcomes such as perseverance and the development of coping mechanisms.

Self-determination theory

Self-determination theory (SDT) is a theory of motivation. SDT focuses on the interplay between individual personalities and experiences in social contexts those results in motivations of the autonomous and controlled kind. Ultimately, social environments seem to have a profound effect on both intrinsic and extrinsic motivation and self-regulation. More specifically, self-determination theory proposes that social and cultural factors influence an individual’s sense of personal volition and initiative in regards to goals, performance and well-being. High levels of determination and personal volition are supported by conditions that foster autonomy (e.g., individual has multiple options/choices), competence (e.g., positive feedback) and relatedness (e.g., stable connection to the group an individual is working within)

Appraisal theory

Appraisal theory proposes that determination has three cognitive appraisal components. These appraisals are evaluations of how the environment and situational circumstances interact with aspects of the individual to create meaning and influence emotional experience. In particular, experiences of determination are evoked by appraisals of motivational relevance, which refers to whether a situation is relevant to an individual’s commitments and goals; motivational in-congruence, which refers to whether a situation is in-congruent with an individual’s commitments and goals; and high problem-focused coping potential, which refers to whether a situation is evaluated to be one that an individual can deal with by using active coping strategies such as planning and problem-solving. These appraisal components combine to bring on experiences of determination that then motivate the tendency to persevere and strive towards mastery. In accordance with this behavioral tendency, appraisal theory proposes that determination is associated with effortful optimism, referring to the belief that a situation can be improved upon with enough effort from the individual

Interpersonal relationships

In the interpersonal domain, challenge appraisals are key to successful dealings with interpersonal conflict. For example, young children exposed to bullying are more likely to seek social support and report said bullying. A bullied child utilizing a challenge appraisal is more likely to frame bullying in a way that posits the unfortunate situation as an opportunity to rely on others and work towards a positive solution. In this case, the child can still remain autonomous because he/she is acting independently to engage others. Ultimately, challenge and determination promote goal mastery and are related to increased confidence and decreased evaluation apprehension; thus, determined individuals using challenge appraisals are confident in their abilities to handle an adverse situation; however, they are not above asking for help when it is needed.

In conclusion

 Challenge and determination must be examined through Positive Psychology and an emotional lens. The association with goal in-congruence makes challenge and determination different from other positive emotions. Thus, current research must seek to establish a better understanding of their properties, antecedents and consequences.

THERE IS NOTHING CALLED REALITY

A friend of mine and I were interacting and he said to me “LET'S FACE REALITY” after our discussion I kept pondering over the word “Let’s face reality”, is there anything really called reality? During this meditation I remembered Mark Zuckerberg the founder and CEO of facebook, He had to drop out of school for what he believes in and that is to accomplish his facebook project. Reality may have told him that he cannot accomplish it if he did not complete his university degree, but he became deaf to the reality of other people and faced his own reality today he is one of the world’s most richest and influential man.  My wondering thought did not just stop at him rather it took me to Bill gates the co-founder of Microsoft, his parent’s reality was for him to complete school and become a lawyer, but his own reality was to become a programmer, he decided to honor his own reality which eventually lead him to becoming a house hold name in the world’s economy today. While these thought kept occurring to me it came to my knowledge that there is nothing called reality.

Reality is an individual personal perception, what may seem reality to a person may not be reality to another. For the fact that Mark Zuckerberg dropped out of school yet was successful does not mean that every other person could succeed in likewise manner. That is the reason it is very important for one to do a random assessment of their ability, by so doing such persons would discover their capability and develop them that is when their own reality steps in. If Thomas Edison the inventor of electric bulb had listened to reality he would not had tried invented the electric bulb 1,000 time before he got it right. I am sure many people must have called him a lunatic then but when he got it right everyone decided to go with his own reality. In essence reality is an individual opinion.             

Importance of self assessment.

In [social psychology], self-assessment is the process of looking at oneself in order to assess aspects that are important to one's identity. It is one of the motives that drive self-evaluation, along with self-verification and self-enhancement. Sedikides (1993) suggests that the self-assessment motive will prompt people to seek information to confirm their uncertain self-concept rather than their certain self-concept and at the same time people use self-assessment to enhance their certainty of their own self-knowledge. However, the self-assessment motive could be seen as quite different from the other two self-evaluation motives. Unlike the other two motives through self-assessment people are interested in the accuracy of their current self view, rather than improving their self-view. This makes self-assessment the only self-evaluative motive that may cause a person's self-esteem to be damaged.

Though self-assessment is one of the self-evaluation motives it could be suggested that it may not be the most popular one. Self-enhancement was displayed in each of the experiments conducted by Sedikide and self-assessment, and even self-verification to an extent was only displayed when it was teased out. This is not to say that self-assessment is not a self-evaluation motive, however most of the experiments conducted by Sedikides ended up with the participants reflecting on central traits rather than peripheral traits. This is unsurprising as they are the most important traits to a person's self-concept; however it is not therefore surprising that these are the traits that are enhanced rather than assessed as if someone assessed their central traits and found fault it would be more of an issue than finding a fault with a peripheral trait. The fifth experiment carried out by Sedikides^[1] shows that self-assessment does exist and is one of the self-evaluation motives; if people didn't self-assess then even in this experiment there would have been no difference between the reflections of those asked to be objective and those who were not. Self-assessment is a difficult motive to assess, as discovered by Sedikides but it is important to self-evaluation as it means that people are able to realize ways in which to improve themselves.